How to Overcome Negative Thoughts and Build Self-Esteem

How to Overcome Negative Thoughts and Build Self-Esteem

Negative thoughts and low self-esteem can hold you back from living a fulfilling life. If you constantly doubt yourself, feel like you’re not good enough, or struggle with self-confidence, you’re not alone. The good news? You can change these thought patterns and improve your self-esteem with the right mindset and techniques.

In this blog, we’ll explore how negative thoughts develop, how they impact self-worth, and the best ways to rewire your thinking for confidence and happiness.

What Causes Negative Thoughts and Low Self-Esteem?

Negative thinking patterns are often shaped by past experiences, societal expectations, and internal self-criticism. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) founder Dr. Aaron Beck identified cognitive distortions—mental habits that make us think negatively. These include:

All-or-Nothing Thinking: Believing things are either perfect or a complete failure.

Overgeneralisation: Assuming that one mistake means everything is doomed.

Mind-Reading: Believing others think badly of you without any real evidence.

Modern psychology books, like Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*, argue that we give too much power to these thoughts. Instead, we should focus on what truly matters and let go of self-judgment.

The Link Between Negative Thinking and Self-Esteem

Book by Mark Mason, also fantastic as an audio book

Low self-esteem is more than just feeling insecure—it’s a deep-rooted belief that you’re not good enough. Brené Brown, in The Gifts of Imperfection, explains that low self-worth is often tied to perfectionism and fear of rejection.

Psychologist Nathaniel Branden (The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem) states that true self-esteem comes from self-acceptance, not external validation. If we base our self-worth on what others think, we’ll always feel uncertain.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Constant self-criticism

Fear of failure and rejection

Struggling to accept compliments

Comparing yourself to others

Avoiding challenges due to fear of failure

If any of these sound familiar, it’s time to start working on changing these thought patterns.

5 Proven Ways to Challenge Negative Thoughts and Boost Self-Esteem

1. Catch and Reframe Negative Thoughts

You can’t fix what you don’t notice. Next time you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough”, stop and ask:

✔ Is this thought based on facts or assumptions?

✔ Would I say this to a friend?

✔ What’s a more realistic way to look at this?

In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, Dr. David Burns explains that questioning negative thoughts weakens their impact.

2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Social media makes it easy to compare your life to others, but remember—people only post their highlights, not their struggles.

Instead of thinking, “I’ll never be as successful as them”, shift to:

✔ “I’m on my own journey, and progress takes time.”

✔ “Every small step I take is a win.”

In Atomic Habits, James Clear explains that confidence grows by taking small, repeated actions that reinforce self-worth.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Instead of beating yourself up for mistakes, treat yourself with kindness. Dr. Kristin Neff, in Self-Compassion, teaches that self-worth isn’t about being perfect—it’s about how you treat yourself when things go wrong.

✔ Replace “I always mess up” with “I’m learning and improving.”

✔ Remind yourself that everyone struggles sometimes—it’s normal.

4. Build Confidence Through Action

Confidence doesn’t come from waiting to feel ready—it comes from taking action despite fear. Dr. Russ Harris, in The Confidence Gap, explains that taking small, courageous steps is the key to overcoming self-doubt.

✔ If you’re afraid of speaking up, start by voicing your opinion in small groups.

✔ If you doubt your abilities, challenge yourself to try something new.

Every action you take builds evidence that you’re capable.

5. Use Journaling to Rewire Your Thoughts

Writing down your thoughts can help you see patterns and change negative thinking. Julia Cameron, in The Artist’s Way, recommends daily journaling to clear mental clutter.

Try writing about:

✔ What negative thoughts came up today?

✔ A more positive way to view the situation.

✔ One thing you did well today.

Over time, this rewires your brain to focus on progress rather than self-criticism.

Final Thoughts: You Have the Power to Change

Negative thoughts and low self-esteem don’t have to control your life. By challenging your thoughts, practicing self-compassion, and taking small steps toward confidence, you can rewrite your mindset and build genuine self-worth.

If you’re struggling, counselling can help. At Just Breathe Counselling, we provide a supportive space to help you break free from negative thinking and build a healthier, more confident mindset. Get in touch today and take the first step toward self-growth.